losing your mind

Some days are so much harder then others and today I had to give myself a "timeout" I wish there were times when I could just get a break even though I know that is not possible right now. As a single mother and working full time I do not get a break. In some information I have received they tell you to take time for yourself. Hire a babysitter and go out. Well no one wants to babysit Kaleb as he can be so difficult and of course as a single mother my resources are limited.  I can only hope there will be sometime in between him going to bed and myself going to bed where I can get some "me" time.  As most of you parents know this does not happen all the time as for there are nights when he just won't go to bed, nor do they seem tired.  I have tried giving Kaleb some Melatonin, however it makes him so sleepy the next morning. Even with a bedtime routine there is no guarantee he will fall asleep before 10pm. If any on the readers out there have any ideas please share as I know we all feel as if we are doing this all on our own and no one understands nor do they want to help.  I will admit there are nights when I do cry myself to sleep as it could have been a very frustrating day and I am out of ideas on how to discipline him. You can only take away things till there is no more to be taken away, you can only give timeouts if they will sit still long enough to get the idea of their action does have a consequence.

For me the only I can get away from all of this at times is to plug in my IPod and listen to music or a book that I have downloaded. I love to read but it seems the minute I try to sit with a book he starts to act up, so if I listen to it on the IPod he does not know what I am listening to.  I use to also go once a month to get a pedicure, but resources are not there to do that anymore as I am paying for many copays every week. So now I try to at least do my own at home monthly, but it still means I am home with the kids and getting anytime to unwind for the stress. Once my son is finally asleep I try to do some meditation and yoga (even if it is 2am).  I maybe very tired the next day at work the meditation seems to help me relax and helps my mind stop thinking. I hope this helps some of you out there.