losing your mind

Some days are so much harder then others and today I had to give myself a "timeout" I wish there were times when I could just get a break even though I know that is not possible right now. As a single mother and working full time I do not get a break. In some information I have received they tell you to take time for yourself. Hire a babysitter and go out. Well no one wants to babysit Kaleb as he can be so difficult and of course as a single mother my resources are limited.  I can only hope there will be sometime in between him going to bed and myself going to bed where I can get some "me" time.  As most of you parents know this does not happen all the time as for there are nights when he just won't go to bed, nor do they seem tired.  I have tried giving Kaleb some Melatonin, however it makes him so sleepy the next morning. Even with a bedtime routine there is no guarantee he will fall asleep before 10pm. If any on the readers out there have any ideas please share as I know we all feel as if we are doing this all on our own and no one understands nor do they want to help.  I will admit there are nights when I do cry myself to sleep as it could have been a very frustrating day and I am out of ideas on how to discipline him. You can only take away things till there is no more to be taken away, you can only give timeouts if they will sit still long enough to get the idea of their action does have a consequence.

For me the only I can get away from all of this at times is to plug in my IPod and listen to music or a book that I have downloaded. I love to read but it seems the minute I try to sit with a book he starts to act up, so if I listen to it on the IPod he does not know what I am listening to.  I use to also go once a month to get a pedicure, but resources are not there to do that anymore as I am paying for many copays every week. So now I try to at least do my own at home monthly, but it still means I am home with the kids and getting anytime to unwind for the stress. Once my son is finally asleep I try to do some meditation and yoga (even if it is 2am).  I maybe very tired the next day at work the meditation seems to help me relax and helps my mind stop thinking. I hope this helps some of you out there.

Information

I have come across some sites on ODD but there are so very little.  If you were to google ODD you would get some sites where many people are asking questions in Yahoo and other people are commenting on their posts.  I have heard of a book I just started reading and it seems to be Kaleb to a T.

The book is called The Explosive Child by Ross W. Greene.  I am only on page 5 but so far it talks about how some children are not very good at sudden changes in their routine and how they seem inflexible but really all they want is a little more clarification on why the routine was changed. 

In my own experience I know that I have to get Kaleb at his best (usually right in the morning) and tell him what is going to happen that day especially around holidays or any other major family event.  Otherwise Kaleb will have a melt down during the event and then it makes it for a rough time when it should be a wonderful experience.

Another website I found useful was the Mayo Clinic has some great information on ODD.  This helped me understand where Kaleb was coming from and where his future may lie.  I cannot find the site now but I remember when Kaleb was first diagnosed that I found a site where another mother was writing that the outlook for children with ODD is very grim and they may end up in jail or worse, and that these children may lead lonely lives with not many friends.  At first I was devastated when reading this and had many nights or tears when the kids went to bed, however I decided that my child will not be one that ends up in the prison system which is why I devote most of my spare time ensuring he is in many activities that i can get him into. 

If anyone reading this post has other resources out there for anyone else please let me know as ODD is not a very known cause and many people look at our children as brats with us not disciplining our children at all.  The more we are able to bring this diagnosis to the surface and it can be well known just like ADHD and Autism.  We as parents are going to be our children's best advocate and without us they could be lost in the system.

Where is the information for ODD

There is so much information out there on ADHD, ADD, and Autism but no public awareness nor many creditable websites for parents to find information on.  Our children are looked at spoiled brats, or that us as parents do not discipline them enough and that is why they are what they are and what they do. 

I know personally that my own mother told Kaleb that he was acting like a spoiled brat one time when we were out in public, when all it was, was Kaleb was having major overly sensory issues going on due to we were in a mall with a lot of people around. This is way to much for Kaleb and this brings out the majority of Kaleb's behaviors.

Once Kaleb was properly diagnosed my family seemed to understand better and did not look at Kaleb as a brat or try to criticize my parenting skills.  It seems as they finally get Kaleb and now Kaleb and my Dad and Brother have a great bond where they are going fishing, and watching baseball games, and even teaching Kaleb new games to keep his mind busy. All this has helped for the most part on Kaleb's behaviors.  Grant it we do have our days where I am not able to even go to the grocery store eve if his older sister is home and usually be able to watch Kaleb.  There are days where his sister and I walk on egg shells knowing he could blow at any moment.  However, we both have learned great techniques on how to help Kaleb calm himself down and thanks to his OT they have given us a few easy tips at home as well.

These are: Giving Kaleb time in his room where he will go in his room and throw a blanket over his whole body and head and just scream until he calms down.  They also gave us a brush that kinda looks like a nail brush but so much more softer and showed us how to do it on Kaleb, this little trick has helped a lot at bedtime as  Kaleb has problems falling asleep.  After brushing Kaleb can usually fall asleep within 10 minutes and seems to be so much calmer the next day.  These are great ideas and has help us out so much.

I am starting this blog for parents that have a child with a diagnosis of ODD or otherwise known as Oppositional Defiant Disorder. 

Let’s start out with my story.  My son is 7 years old and has a diagnosis of ADHD, ODD and Anxiety.  The ADHD and Anxiety I have no problems dealing with however the ODD can be very challenging and frustrating for many parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and grandparents that maybe in the child’s life.  This kind of child takes a lot of attention and a lot of energy on the parent’s part.  My son Kaleb was diagnosed on his 7th birthday with ADHD with some behavioral problems only because of the paperwork myself and his teacher filled out.  During this time we started trying different medications that would help Kaleb concentrate at school and wear off at night. These medications worked for a little bit, however I noticed as Kaleb was weaning off his medications at night he would get very aggressive and very angry.  I tried to explain to his primary doctor what his behaviors were like at home but she did not want to put Kaleb medications at night as he already was having issues going to bed, and staying asleep throughout the night. 

During one of Kalebs therapy appointments he goes to weekly, his therapist asked we get Kaleb tested for more as she thought the ADHD diagnosis was not the extent of issues going on in Kalebs mind.  Getting Kaleb into to get a NuroPsych Evaluation took a very long time as many psychiatrist do not do them on children and the clinic I did end up taking him to turned out to be a four month wait for appointments. During the time we were waiting for his testing Kaleb was going to weekly therapy sessions a long with Occupational Therapy to help with some of his sensory issues and fine motor skills that he was lacking. 

 Kalebs NeuroPsych testing was consistent over 4 appointments.  The first one was just me alone with no Kaleb and me answering a bunch of questions such as family history, family dynamics, how he gets along with kids his own age etc... After that Kaleb went through 2, two-hour sessions that tested his attention span, his IQ, how he thinks about himself.  The tests were very hard and Kaleb would come out of these sessions very agitated and more than likely we had to pull the car over so Kaleb could release his anger while I was not driving.  The psychologist also gave me some paper work and sent his 1st grade teacher a packet on things she observes in the class room.  During the last session of testing Kaleb was showing to be very defiant and when he was done testing I was allowed to go back in the room and while I was answering some miscellaneous questions the tester had Kaleb got very agitated to the point of him purposely trying to break the examiners trash can, toys she used during the testing, he tried to throw his shoes at her, and started to hit, kick, punch and try to bite me.  He had a huge meltdown to the point of the clinical director had to come see if we needed any help with Kaleb.  As a parent I was beyond mortified, but as someone who wanted someone to finally see what I was trying to explain the behaviors were at home I was so relieved that it was finally documented and a "professional" saw why I brought Kaleb in.

 Two weeks after the last appointment I went back on my own and got the test results. Some of it I did not understand but the psychiatrist explained very well on what some of the numbers meant and what the "normal" range was for a child Kalebs age.  The one regret I wish I would have done during this time was to write notes on my copy so I could remember what the numbers meant when I went back to re-read the report. So now I have his report that documents all of his behavior so I fax it to all I can think of, his therapist, his OT, his school teacher and his Primary Medical Doctor. 

 Then next day we went to his primary doctor who also got to witness Kaleb's aggressive behaviors, and said she could not do Kaleb's medications anymore and suggested we go to a child psychiatrist.  The one thing wrong with all of this is that child Psychiatrist is very few and they are very hard to get into.  I called in April to get Kaleb in for his psychiatrist and was able to get him in July 26th.  Luckily Kaleb's primary gave him Clonidine for the aggressions and stopped giving him his ADHD medications with refills until we are able to get in with the psychiatrist.  

This is just the start to our story and it will be never ending.  The best I can tell you parents and wonderful other family members is that you are not alone and remember they child is still a child and they are struggling more than us trying to care for them.  My son will sometimes state that he cannot control his body and does not know why, and other times he will black out and not know what he is doing until he snaps out of his behavior and is wondering how he ended up where he did.  This blog is so many of you can go through this process with someone or just want to know more about what works and does not work for us.